Starbuckian: “Star-schmucks'” Lingo

One thing that really drives me up the wall is a customer who makes a big deal about the names of our cup sizes. Honestly, I don’t care what you call them. Yeah, I know our lingo is pretentious. No, you’re NOT the first person who’s informed me of this. Small, medium, and large are the same as Tall, Grande, and Venti in my book. You don’t speak Starbuckian, you say? Doesn’t matter — English is my first language.

I came across this gem on YouTube. Enjoy:



Filed under Rants

7 responses to “Starbuckian: “Star-schmucks'” Lingo

  1. Brilliant. Just brilliant.
    The best is about “carrying around the cup like a status symbol”. Wanna-bes can carry Starbucks cups filled with water pretending they have Colombian grounded mocha in it.

    I used to have customer who would bring in a Peet’s coffee cup just so he wouldn’t be carrying around a Starbucks cup. Go figure.

  2. That’s too funny! This reminds me of some stand-up comedy about being “bright eyed and bushy tailed, that’s not awake, that’s a squirrel on crack!”

    I find it funny because a lot of my customers talk like that. If they hate Starbucks so much, why do they come in every morning?

  3. Very Very Funny!! So True!!

    I thought so. Glad you liked it. 😉

  4. ‘urine sample-sized cup of coffee’ = genius comedy

  5. I love it, it’s so true!
    I used to work in a bookstore cafe that everyone managed to mistake for Starbucks. The sizing was pretty much a daily battle for me because where I worked they used S/M/L but I had the T/G/V imposed on me a lot. The exchange usually resembled the following:

    Stupid customer: Grande coffee (with much fanfare)
    Me: Coming up (choked-up enthusiasm)
    Stupid customer: That’s huge! I wanted a grande
    Me: Sorry, I thought grande meant large in Spanish
    Stupid customer: Well in Italian it’s medium… …wouldn’t be strange to be ordering something in Spanish? (raised eyebrow)
    Me: No stranger than ordering in Italian…

    I love your blog, by the way, I just came across it, and it’s nice to see someone addressing the stupidity that baristas are burdened with.

    That’s hilarious! I admit when people decide to be really rude about the names of our sizes I play dumb. “Oh, you wanted the tall-BIG, not the tall-SMALL!? Sorry about that.”

    Thanks for commenting! I hope to see you around again!;)

  6. Freaking hysterical! This made me laugh out loud.

    Glad you liked it!

  7. I’m so glad you don’t think it’s imperative I know the cup size lingo. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been corrected when ordering a medium coffee. Just because you work somewhere they’ve created a “culture” doesn’t mean you don’t speak English anymore!

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